is it common for men to have an affair, to love more than one woman, to have kids but yet wants to have fun outside? if you are my friend and you want to do all these, seriously, i don't have a problem with that. but why get me involved? im trying my very best to stay away from shit like that. to keep an arm's length from disaster but yet it kept crawling towards me.

just leave me alone.

everyone tries to bring out the best in me, to guide me, to groom me. you know, i respect everyone one of you. be it that you are lame, immature, had a horrid past, sheltered etc. i respect everyone. but all these people whom i became close just had to damage me. emotionally, mentally. it's enough. i wish i can speak up if given the chance. i wish im brave enough. i overcome one, another one come along. it's never ending. bad things just hav to repeat itself twice or maybe thrice. and it's not my mistake. probably being too coward to defend myself?

i've seen the stares of many old man. yea, you have the rights to see. but do you have to stare? do you like men staring at your wife or daughter(s)? i feel so insecure about myself and with shit like these, it makes me feel so paranoid bout the world. just because you judge me in a certain way, you assume i am what you think i am doesn't means that i have to act your way.

i just hope guys will respect me more. because once you cross the line, i'll look at you in a different way. the trust, respect i had in you is no longer there. and i can bring you down anytime if i want to. if only i don't have a fucking conscious. well, if one day i don't, it's not that im heartless. you people pushed me to change. i don't have a choice.