Looking at my friends, listening stories from them and their friend's story, I don't know whether should I feel fortunate. But with my current situation, I'm no any better. Maybe worse. Yea, true that relationship has it's ups and downs. It's tiring enough. But what if in the same situation but you can't voice out what you are not happy about? We aren't together in the first place. I can't ask for much but have to be contented with what I'm given. No more and prob less as times goes by.

There's no good times. Fake smile probably. No one to cuddle with at the end of the day. Can't run to that 1 person when I'm down. Attention given is not first priority. But then again what if being attached but you can't do any of those either? It sucks right? Why is everything so complicated as we grew older? Where is the "I like you, let's be together and everything is simple" days go to?

I waited till I'm old enough. I made 1 or 2 mistakes along the way. I picked up the mess but thinking it's clear, a tycoon just came by again. And the worst part is that it never left. Is it my fault to be softhearted? I don't know what I want actually. If I'm given a second chance, will I accept? Probably not. But why do I feel happy when he cares, he msg, he calls, he compliments me, he smiles at me? Like a silly girl, I just stood by even I'm being smack by the tycoon several times.

Seriously, I don't see myself falling in love again. I hate the feeling whereby the guy is gona walk away from me again. If it's not my fault, why those left never return? But somehow I still longed for that comfort, that protection where I know I can lean on that one guy, that my days are filled with joy and laughter. And where I have a smile on my face when I close my eyes to sleep at night.

I want to run away. But to where? The lonely nights, boring weekends just makes it rather hard to be patient. Why do I bother to change to suit someone whom doesn't deserve it, who won't take me back? Am I stupid or blind?

When I decided to walk off, the pain is unbearable. I cried, I can't sleep. I force myself to let go. But more often, u just have to come back in and I go weak again. Why? I wish I knew why.